Ivy, taking a Sunday afternoon nap ...
Sunday, September 05, 2010
Tuesday, August 10, 2010
Welcome home, baby.
Ivy Helene,
born August 03 at 2:09 pm,
7 pounds 2 ounces and 20 inches.
Welcome home, baby. We love you!
Friday, March 05, 2010
Happy birthday
Today is my 40th birthday. Oh boy, I think I’m a grown-up now :-) As if a 16-year marriage, two kids, a baby on the way, two paid-off cars, a mortgage, credit card debt, two cats and a hamster didn’t clue me in.
Sunday, February 28, 2010
On being pregnant and not writing …
February was interesting. My super-surprising and somewhat shocking (yes, I admit it) pregnancy was confirmed, which immediately led to a ton of appointments to make sure the little fellow was okay and thriving. Being of mature age (pft) has it advantages, because most expecting mothers don’t get to see their unborn babies all that often. The last of the many ultrasounds even told us with small certainty what to expect come August (I can’t share; the husband asked to be surprise, so I have to make sure no one who might tell him knows anything).
We’re still looking for names. Ivy is in the running. As is Harlan. I love Logan, especially for a girl, but my kids hate it.
I also found out that my friends Rafi and Laurie are expecting. Congratulations, ladies.
I avoided a miscarriage, which my doctor warned was a real threat after having the IUD removed. I credit many hours on the couch with this small miracle. Mostly, I avoided moving as much as possible :-D I think I must have caught up with all the seasons of Dog Whisperer on NatGeo.
I got almost no writing done. I feel immensely guilty about this, but in all honesty, I had more important worries. Still, writing is foremost on my mind these days. I’m sick of the slow or non-existing progress, and I’m sick of feeling like I’m letting people down (Ken and Kristen to mind right away). Unfortunately, merely feeling bad about the situation doesn’t exactly do much to remedy the problem. I’m going to have to make a serious commitment, show up in front of the computer and just get the work done. The deadline is non-negotiable for this one :-)
The Olympics were inspiring. I loved seeing Shaun White on TV. He’s one of my favorite redheads ever. He’s also 23, which incidentally makes him the perfect living representation of my favorite fictional character. I may have pointed that out a few times while watching TV with my kids, because they groaned and complained about it eventually. “We know, Mom,” they’d say. Pft.
You see, my fictional characters are definitely on my mind. The tsunami alert did its thing, too. (Guam didn’t report casualties or damages, which was great.)
March will be good. Nolan turns 7, which according to him is the legal age to start chores. I’ll turn 40. Spring Break will liven things up, too, and if all goes well will find us on the road to Oklahoma to visit some friends. Road trip, yay. I already have to go to the bathroom and we haven’t even left yet :-)
We’re still looking for names. Ivy is in the running. As is Harlan. I love Logan, especially for a girl, but my kids hate it.
I also found out that my friends Rafi and Laurie are expecting. Congratulations, ladies.
I avoided a miscarriage, which my doctor warned was a real threat after having the IUD removed. I credit many hours on the couch with this small miracle. Mostly, I avoided moving as much as possible :-D I think I must have caught up with all the seasons of Dog Whisperer on NatGeo.
I got almost no writing done. I feel immensely guilty about this, but in all honesty, I had more important worries. Still, writing is foremost on my mind these days. I’m sick of the slow or non-existing progress, and I’m sick of feeling like I’m letting people down (Ken and Kristen to mind right away). Unfortunately, merely feeling bad about the situation doesn’t exactly do much to remedy the problem. I’m going to have to make a serious commitment, show up in front of the computer and just get the work done. The deadline is non-negotiable for this one :-)
The Olympics were inspiring. I loved seeing Shaun White on TV. He’s one of my favorite redheads ever. He’s also 23, which incidentally makes him the perfect living representation of my favorite fictional character. I may have pointed that out a few times while watching TV with my kids, because they groaned and complained about it eventually. “We know, Mom,” they’d say. Pft.
You see, my fictional characters are definitely on my mind. The tsunami alert did its thing, too. (Guam didn’t report casualties or damages, which was great.)
March will be good. Nolan turns 7, which according to him is the legal age to start chores. I’ll turn 40. Spring Break will liven things up, too, and if all goes well will find us on the road to Oklahoma to visit some friends. Road trip, yay. I already have to go to the bathroom and we haven’t even left yet :-)
Saturday, February 27, 2010
Thinking happy thoughts doesn’t cut it …
Walter Koenig: “My son was depressed.”
Reporter: “About what?”
That question has irked me all week. Andrew Koenig suffered from clinical depression, which is an imbalance of brain chemicals. He didn’t have to have a reason to be depressed. There didn’t have to be something specific in his life that made him depressed. He simply was.
I have struggled with depression during some of the best, happiest and most successful parts of my life. I know I was in a good place, but I couldn’t help feeling depressed. It’s not something you have control over and it doesn’t have to make sense. It’s not something you can wish away or snap out of by looking at the beautiful things in your life or practicing a good attitude. It’s your brain being hijacked.
Reporter: “About what?”
That question has irked me all week. Andrew Koenig suffered from clinical depression, which is an imbalance of brain chemicals. He didn’t have to have a reason to be depressed. There didn’t have to be something specific in his life that made him depressed. He simply was.
I have struggled with depression during some of the best, happiest and most successful parts of my life. I know I was in a good place, but I couldn’t help feeling depressed. It’s not something you have control over and it doesn’t have to make sense. It’s not something you can wish away or snap out of by looking at the beautiful things in your life or practicing a good attitude. It’s your brain being hijacked.
Monday, February 15, 2010
Why I find the Olympics inspiring …
I’m not a sport nut. I love English horseback riding and show jumping, I just haven’t done it in years. The Winter Olympics are most definitely not up my alley – nothing Winter-related is :-) But I find myself inspired.
I’m a struggling writer right now, in a deep, dark hole with nary a plot bunny for comfort. Keeping me frustrated is my perfectionist nature and the idea that everything I produce has to be flawless. Behind that idea lurks the notion that the only achievement worth pursuing is first place.
Then I watch the Olympics and see a large number of athletes who won’t even come within spitting distance of the metal podium. They’re there to post a personal best, to give it their all and shine, because they are good at what they do and they deserve the chance to show the world how good they are. Still, realistically speaking, they don’t stand a chance to win a medal.
It’s okay to know you’re not going to win. But winning isn’t everything; showing up, giving your best and having the time of your life is. And that’s why I’m inspired.
The dedication and perseverance, the sweat and tears and deep, deep credit card debts that a lot of these athletes bring with them should maybe inspire more of us to do well in the world even when there’s no prize to be won.
So, yeah, I’m inspired.
PS. Catching my favorite redhead, Shaun White, on TV is great, too.
I’m a struggling writer right now, in a deep, dark hole with nary a plot bunny for comfort. Keeping me frustrated is my perfectionist nature and the idea that everything I produce has to be flawless. Behind that idea lurks the notion that the only achievement worth pursuing is first place.
Then I watch the Olympics and see a large number of athletes who won’t even come within spitting distance of the metal podium. They’re there to post a personal best, to give it their all and shine, because they are good at what they do and they deserve the chance to show the world how good they are. Still, realistically speaking, they don’t stand a chance to win a medal.
It’s okay to know you’re not going to win. But winning isn’t everything; showing up, giving your best and having the time of your life is. And that’s why I’m inspired.
The dedication and perseverance, the sweat and tears and deep, deep credit card debts that a lot of these athletes bring with them should maybe inspire more of us to do well in the world even when there’s no prize to be won.
So, yeah, I’m inspired.
PS. Catching my favorite redhead, Shaun White, on TV is great, too.
Sunday, January 31, 2010
Pregnant!
Here it is, the first baby update.
I wasn’t thinking baby. No one in the family was thinking baby. We’d discussed getting a puppy and decided to wait until the next duty station (summer 2011). That’s as close as we got to the idea of brining new life into the family.
In the beginning of the year I spent countless hours finding the perfect deal on tickets to Germany. I was even getting super excited about going home. I haven’t been back since 2005. Kaelan started warming up to the idea when she mentioned having an interest in Paris and I told her that we could certainly swing a visit. Paris is only about 3-4 hours away from where my parents now live.
Then Pat deployed to Iraq. The next day I bought myself a little desk that I wedged in the corner in the bedroom, because, you know, I have a book that needs to be finished and having my own little desk and private area seemed like a good idea.
All the while I was sick as a dog. Constant nausea. Ick. I couldn’t smell food without getting sick. I was getting really sick of being sick. This had been going on since November. I started to google things like “ulcers.” For the most part though I thought it was just anxiety and/or depression over Pat leaving.
Then, one night in a moment of clarity, it occurred to me that there was more going on than nausea. Oddly enough the symptom that tipped me off was my sleep medication not working quite right anymore. I thought it was weird that there were so many duds in one batch. Either that or I was suddenly metabolizing the stuff differently.
Last Thursday I broke down and bought a home pregnancy test. At that point I was secretly convinced that I was pregnant, but still very skeptical, because I have an IUD, an intrauterine device meant to keep me barren. I peed on the stick and it said positive almost immediately.
Holy cow.
I was SHOCKED. Totally surprised.
I called some friends – all of them super-supportive. I took a photo of the pregnancy test with the little stick and e-mailed it to Pat in Iraq, asking him to call me (he called me the next morning and he seemed far more excited than I was initially; good man). I told the kids who had mixed reactions. Nolan thought it was cool (and he’s really super excited about his mom having a baby.) He asked for a brother, so they could play LEGO Star Wars on the Wii and the little guy would be Darth Vader. I didn’t have to heart to tell him that his new sibling will be more likely to drool all over his LEGOs at first than actually play with them or the Wii.
Kaelan had more realistic concerns. Who would watch the baby while I was at work? She didn’t like the idea that I was going to stop working. Many years ago she was dead set against me returning to work, because it was my job to be her mom and be at home waiting for her. Now she’s not happy about me giving up my job at her elementary school, because she wouldn’t see me on and off during her school hours.
She warmed up to the thought of a sibling when I explained that she would no longer be the only person in our family with a birthday in the second half of the year. She’d now have company. The baby’s due date is August 22.
Well, it’s been two days now. I’ve since seen the little guy on the ultrasound monitor. Cute, very cute. I was very surprised about how big the little guy is already (about an inch and a half; I’m at 11-12 weeks). But the news isn’t all great. The IUD has to be removed. The removal carries a decent risk of miscarriage, but the risk increases the longer the IUD stays in. Some women deliver a healthy baby and the IUD at the same time, but removal is strongly suggested. I don’t know more than that yet.
So all in all, a total shock and super surprise. This baby certainly wasn’t planned or wanted, but we love it already.
Next episode: how to write a book before your due date, plan for baby and not pay a fortune on re-booking fees for your flights to Germany.
Also: “Ivy” or “Harlan”?
I wasn’t thinking baby. No one in the family was thinking baby. We’d discussed getting a puppy and decided to wait until the next duty station (summer 2011). That’s as close as we got to the idea of brining new life into the family.
In the beginning of the year I spent countless hours finding the perfect deal on tickets to Germany. I was even getting super excited about going home. I haven’t been back since 2005. Kaelan started warming up to the idea when she mentioned having an interest in Paris and I told her that we could certainly swing a visit. Paris is only about 3-4 hours away from where my parents now live.
Then Pat deployed to Iraq. The next day I bought myself a little desk that I wedged in the corner in the bedroom, because, you know, I have a book that needs to be finished and having my own little desk and private area seemed like a good idea.
All the while I was sick as a dog. Constant nausea. Ick. I couldn’t smell food without getting sick. I was getting really sick of being sick. This had been going on since November. I started to google things like “ulcers.” For the most part though I thought it was just anxiety and/or depression over Pat leaving.
Then, one night in a moment of clarity, it occurred to me that there was more going on than nausea. Oddly enough the symptom that tipped me off was my sleep medication not working quite right anymore. I thought it was weird that there were so many duds in one batch. Either that or I was suddenly metabolizing the stuff differently.
Last Thursday I broke down and bought a home pregnancy test. At that point I was secretly convinced that I was pregnant, but still very skeptical, because I have an IUD, an intrauterine device meant to keep me barren. I peed on the stick and it said positive almost immediately.
Holy cow.
I was SHOCKED. Totally surprised.
I called some friends – all of them super-supportive. I took a photo of the pregnancy test with the little stick and e-mailed it to Pat in Iraq, asking him to call me (he called me the next morning and he seemed far more excited than I was initially; good man). I told the kids who had mixed reactions. Nolan thought it was cool (and he’s really super excited about his mom having a baby.) He asked for a brother, so they could play LEGO Star Wars on the Wii and the little guy would be Darth Vader. I didn’t have to heart to tell him that his new sibling will be more likely to drool all over his LEGOs at first than actually play with them or the Wii.
Kaelan had more realistic concerns. Who would watch the baby while I was at work? She didn’t like the idea that I was going to stop working. Many years ago she was dead set against me returning to work, because it was my job to be her mom and be at home waiting for her. Now she’s not happy about me giving up my job at her elementary school, because she wouldn’t see me on and off during her school hours.
She warmed up to the thought of a sibling when I explained that she would no longer be the only person in our family with a birthday in the second half of the year. She’d now have company. The baby’s due date is August 22.
Well, it’s been two days now. I’ve since seen the little guy on the ultrasound monitor. Cute, very cute. I was very surprised about how big the little guy is already (about an inch and a half; I’m at 11-12 weeks). But the news isn’t all great. The IUD has to be removed. The removal carries a decent risk of miscarriage, but the risk increases the longer the IUD stays in. Some women deliver a healthy baby and the IUD at the same time, but removal is strongly suggested. I don’t know more than that yet.
So all in all, a total shock and super surprise. This baby certainly wasn’t planned or wanted, but we love it already.
Next episode: how to write a book before your due date, plan for baby and not pay a fortune on re-booking fees for your flights to Germany.
Also: “Ivy” or “Harlan”?
Sunday, January 03, 2010
2010, let the excitement begin
It’s only January 2, 2010, but the new year isn’t treating me all that well yet. Damn nausea. Ugh. Still, there are quite a few things I’m excited about: I’m turning 40 in March and there will be a party/get-together. With friends. And alcohol (Hello Julie, Katie, Stacy, Sonya, and Barbara) and food.
I’m absolutely looking forward to reading the finished STALKER, because I know it will surprise me (so far it’s been a pain to work on, so it owes me; nope, I don’t know yet how it ends). The best possible scenario has me reading the finished product on the plane to Germany, so that would be in June.
There are other authors I’m looking forward to reading in 2010. My friend Laurie is working on an absolutely awesome werewolf script (can’t wait to read that). Jennifer Rardin, Patricia Briggs, Karen Chance and Suzanne Collins are on my pre-ordered list. I’m hoping there will be a new JR Ward Black Dagger Brotherhood book, too.
I’m excited about going to the movies, too. Percy Jackson and the Olympians. Prince of Persia (though, I hate the “romantic subplot” already). Iron Man 2. Harry Potter. Twilight. The Last Airbender. Oceans. Robin Hood (I don’t particularly like Russell Crowe, but I do love Robin Hood and Crowe does well in these kind of rough and dirty roles). Edge of Darkness. A-Team (Bradley Cooper anyone?)
My big excitement in the middle of the year will undoubtedly be the visit to Germany. I haven’t been to see my (non-traveling) relatives in five years. Also, I can’t wait to eat all the good food. Greek food. Italian food. My grandmother’s potato salad and fishsticks. Yum. I’m gaining ten pounds just thinking about all the culinary goodness.
But really, in all honestly, what I’m most excited about is for 2010 to be over. The end of 2010 means that my beloved will return from Iraq soon. It also means we’re six months closer to leaving Kansas. (Now don’t get me wrong, Kansas isn’t bad, but it’s not great either; I just want to leave).
Yep, 2010 will be an exciting year.
I’m absolutely looking forward to reading the finished STALKER, because I know it will surprise me (so far it’s been a pain to work on, so it owes me; nope, I don’t know yet how it ends). The best possible scenario has me reading the finished product on the plane to Germany, so that would be in June.
There are other authors I’m looking forward to reading in 2010. My friend Laurie is working on an absolutely awesome werewolf script (can’t wait to read that). Jennifer Rardin, Patricia Briggs, Karen Chance and Suzanne Collins are on my pre-ordered list. I’m hoping there will be a new JR Ward Black Dagger Brotherhood book, too.
I’m excited about going to the movies, too. Percy Jackson and the Olympians. Prince of Persia (though, I hate the “romantic subplot” already). Iron Man 2. Harry Potter. Twilight. The Last Airbender. Oceans. Robin Hood (I don’t particularly like Russell Crowe, but I do love Robin Hood and Crowe does well in these kind of rough and dirty roles). Edge of Darkness. A-Team (Bradley Cooper anyone?)
My big excitement in the middle of the year will undoubtedly be the visit to Germany. I haven’t been to see my (non-traveling) relatives in five years. Also, I can’t wait to eat all the good food. Greek food. Italian food. My grandmother’s potato salad and fishsticks. Yum. I’m gaining ten pounds just thinking about all the culinary goodness.
But really, in all honestly, what I’m most excited about is for 2010 to be over. The end of 2010 means that my beloved will return from Iraq soon. It also means we’re six months closer to leaving Kansas. (Now don’t get me wrong, Kansas isn’t bad, but it’s not great either; I just want to leave).
Yep, 2010 will be an exciting year.
Saturday, October 31, 2009
Nicholas Nightflame
Yes, I play Wizard101.com. It’s a wonderfully frustrating (“die already!”) and very addictive game. It started innocently enough: the kids wanted to play and I told them I had to check it out first. Many months later we now have a subscription and my character is on level 27.
A while ago I notice the name “Nicholas Nightflame” on a list of ten best minigame players. I have no idea who Nicholas Nightflame is or if he’s played by an adult or a child. I haven’t actually met Nicholas in the game and I’m certainly not looking for him, but his name sparked my curiosity.
Naturally, Nick now has a “story,” because that is what happens when a name catches my attention. It’s really more of a character sheet and has nothing to do with Wizard101, just something my overactive imagination came up with. My Nicholas Nightflame lives in a fantasy land far, far away. He’s not a first or second son, which means he’s not an heir to his family’s wealth and lands. He’s not tasked with finding a wife, having offspring and keeping holdings in the family. Without those responsibilities, he was free to study music as a child. He has a lovely voice and is somewhat of a piano prodigy. But life can’t be that easy, of course, (not when I make it up) and there’s a war going on. Hordes of demons and hell creatures are bend on taking over the world. All that stands between them and the innocent people of the lands are gifted mages.
Mages are like warrior monks. Think Knights Templar. They’re conscripted for life and take certain vows. They are assigned to certain geographic regions and live like nomads, traveling to wherever they’re needed, never in one place for very long, always looking for demons to fight and destroy. They start training in their teens, learning how to cast spells, shields, wards and charms. Each mage belongs to one of four elemental schools: fire, air, earth or water.
Nick is a fire mage. Fire is the most aggressive of the schools. The vast majority of their spells are offensive, as in destructive, and action oriented. This is, of course, the source of great conflict for Nick who likes to think of himself as more in touch with his intuitive and spiritual side. He would have been happy studying music for the rest of his life, instead, it turns out he’s a born demon killer and quite good at it.
Mages (and their female counterparts) are not allowed relationships with the opposite sex. The authorities fear they might create offspring that could inherit lands or wealth away from their families or their schools (incidentally the reason for the Catholic Church to institute celibacy way back when). Same-sex relationships and pair bonding aren’t exactly encouraged, but the school authorities know that interpersonal relationships and connections are good for morale and the fighting spirit.
Nick’s “nemesis” is a man named Lake. He’s an opportunistic mercenary who doesn’t give a hoot about Nick’s vow of obedience or his “celibacy.” In fact, Lake’s determined to take Nick off the straight and narrow. Lake isn’t a mage, but he has latent water talents, which, in his eyes, makes him the perfect partner/complement for Nick.
Nick hates the fact that Lake (think privateer) who lives on a ship owns a piano that he cannot play. Lake’s one and only reason to own such an expensive instrument is to lure Nick back into his presence. Scoundrel!
There you have it. Nicholas Nightflame. Inspired by Wizard101.com.
A while ago I notice the name “Nicholas Nightflame” on a list of ten best minigame players. I have no idea who Nicholas Nightflame is or if he’s played by an adult or a child. I haven’t actually met Nicholas in the game and I’m certainly not looking for him, but his name sparked my curiosity.
Naturally, Nick now has a “story,” because that is what happens when a name catches my attention. It’s really more of a character sheet and has nothing to do with Wizard101, just something my overactive imagination came up with. My Nicholas Nightflame lives in a fantasy land far, far away. He’s not a first or second son, which means he’s not an heir to his family’s wealth and lands. He’s not tasked with finding a wife, having offspring and keeping holdings in the family. Without those responsibilities, he was free to study music as a child. He has a lovely voice and is somewhat of a piano prodigy. But life can’t be that easy, of course, (not when I make it up) and there’s a war going on. Hordes of demons and hell creatures are bend on taking over the world. All that stands between them and the innocent people of the lands are gifted mages.
Mages are like warrior monks. Think Knights Templar. They’re conscripted for life and take certain vows. They are assigned to certain geographic regions and live like nomads, traveling to wherever they’re needed, never in one place for very long, always looking for demons to fight and destroy. They start training in their teens, learning how to cast spells, shields, wards and charms. Each mage belongs to one of four elemental schools: fire, air, earth or water.
Nick is a fire mage. Fire is the most aggressive of the schools. The vast majority of their spells are offensive, as in destructive, and action oriented. This is, of course, the source of great conflict for Nick who likes to think of himself as more in touch with his intuitive and spiritual side. He would have been happy studying music for the rest of his life, instead, it turns out he’s a born demon killer and quite good at it.
Mages (and their female counterparts) are not allowed relationships with the opposite sex. The authorities fear they might create offspring that could inherit lands or wealth away from their families or their schools (incidentally the reason for the Catholic Church to institute celibacy way back when). Same-sex relationships and pair bonding aren’t exactly encouraged, but the school authorities know that interpersonal relationships and connections are good for morale and the fighting spirit.
Nick’s “nemesis” is a man named Lake. He’s an opportunistic mercenary who doesn’t give a hoot about Nick’s vow of obedience or his “celibacy.” In fact, Lake’s determined to take Nick off the straight and narrow. Lake isn’t a mage, but he has latent water talents, which, in his eyes, makes him the perfect partner/complement for Nick.
Nick hates the fact that Lake (think privateer) who lives on a ship owns a piano that he cannot play. Lake’s one and only reason to own such an expensive instrument is to lure Nick back into his presence. Scoundrel!
There you have it. Nicholas Nightflame. Inspired by Wizard101.com.
Thursday, August 27, 2009
Interview and yet another chance to win an e-book
For those of you still desperate to win the e-book version of THE PROTECTOR, visit my friend Sarah on her blog Rain on the Roof here. She had some very good questions for me and I really like how our interview came out.
Have a look for yourself and enter to win the e-book.
Have a look for yourself and enter to win the e-book.
Tuesday, August 25, 2009
What my depression feels like ...
I'm a beautiful, sleek driving machine, a supercar made for the road
(not the racetrack). I'm exquisite. I'm a McLaren F1. I'm meant to fly
down the German Autobahn (which, by the way, has speed limits and I
have the tickets to prove it). I'm automotive perfection.
(not the racetrack). I'm exquisite. I'm a McLaren F1. I'm meant to fly
down the German Autobahn (which, by the way, has speed limits and I
have the tickets to prove it). I'm automotive perfection.
I'm also out of gas.
I'm slowly bumping down the shoulder, my engine in neutral, my tank
empty. I'm running on fumes. Yeah sure, I'll make my destination
eventually and I do occasionally stop to take in the view and enjoy
the scenery, but mostly I'm pushing and shoving and trying to steer at
the same time.
empty. I'm running on fumes. Yeah sure, I'll make my destination
eventually and I do occasionally stop to take in the view and enjoy
the scenery, but mostly I'm pushing and shoving and trying to steer at
the same time.
That is what depression feels like to me. I should be cruising down
the highway, pedal to the metal. Instead I'm crawling down the
shoulder.
the highway, pedal to the metal. Instead I'm crawling down the
shoulder.
I'm not despairing. I don't think the world is ending and life sure is
worth living. I really wouldn't say I'm particularly unhappy, but I
have the attention span of a gnat and it's difficult to concentrate.
I'm also fidgety and restless. I can't sit still. Standing in line
somewhere is torture. I lost interest in most things I loved doing.
Heck, before doing anything these days (years, really), my first
thought is, "how much energy will that cost me and how long will it
take me to recover from that drain."
worth living. I really wouldn't say I'm particularly unhappy, but I
have the attention span of a gnat and it's difficult to concentrate.
I'm also fidgety and restless. I can't sit still. Standing in line
somewhere is torture. I lost interest in most things I loved doing.
Heck, before doing anything these days (years, really), my first
thought is, "how much energy will that cost me and how long will it
take me to recover from that drain."
I'm TIRED. Above all, I'm mentally, physically and emotionally EXHAUSTED.
I used to think depression is something akin to a personal flaw. I
absoultely subscribed to the "you can snap out of it" school of
thought. But the more I read about it and talked to people, the more I
realized that it's not my doing (or not-doing, as it were). It's my
body being out of synch and imbalanced.
absoultely subscribed to the "you can snap out of it" school of
thought. But the more I read about it and talked to people, the more I
realized that it's not my doing (or not-doing, as it were). It's my
body being out of synch and imbalanced.
I'm a sports car with an empty tank, and I'm sick of towing and
pushing. I need a gas station :-)
pushing. I need a gas station :-)
Sunday, August 16, 2009
Win THE PROTECTOR on Twitter
Kassa, who just posted a very, very nice review of THE PROTECTOR here, is giving away a copy of THE PROTECTOR on Twitter. For a chance to enter, RT on twitter the following message:
RT @kassa_11 to enter for a chance to win a free e-copy of @nlgassert great book "The Protector". Winner chosen Monday Night!
That's Monday, August 17, 2009. Good luck everyone.
RT @kassa_11 to enter for a chance to win a free e-copy of @nlgassert great book "The Protector". Winner chosen Monday Night!
That's Monday, August 17, 2009. Good luck everyone.
Tuesday, August 11, 2009
And the latest winner is ...
... Angelia Sparrow ...
Congratulations, Angelia. You've become the lastest owner of an e-copy of THE PROTECTOR.
Saturday, August 08, 2009
Second chance to win THE PROTECTOR e-book
Didn't win the first time around? No worries. You'll have a 2nd chance.
My friend Val Kovalin will host the second PROTECTOR e-book give-away at her blog Obsidian Bookshelf on Monday, August 10. Same rules: all you have to do is visit her blog, leave a witty comment and, voila, you're in the running.
Good luck.
My friend Val Kovalin will host the second PROTECTOR e-book give-away at her blog Obsidian Bookshelf on Monday, August 10. Same rules: all you have to do is visit her blog, leave a witty comment and, voila, you're in the running.
Good luck.
And the winner is
... Lilli ...
Congratulations, Lilli. You're my first randomly drawn winner of the e-book version of THE PROTECTOR. Herzliche Glueckwuensche und viel Spass beim Lesen.
... this is the temporary e-book cover, which we'll exchange with the much prettier original cover as soon as certain copyright issues are taken care of, I promise.
Monday, August 03, 2009
Win THE PROTECTOR e-book
I promised you the chance to win free e-books, didn't I?
This week, visit my friend Wave's wonderfully re-designed blog Reviews by jessewave on Thursday, August 6, leave a witty comment and, voila, you're entered in the random drawing for a free e-copy of THE PROTECTOR.
Good luck.
This week, visit my friend Wave's wonderfully re-designed blog Reviews by jessewave on Thursday, August 6, leave a witty comment and, voila, you're entered in the random drawing for a free e-copy of THE PROTECTOR.
Good luck.
Saturday, August 01, 2009
More than you ever needed to know, but fun ...
1. Do you like blue cheese? NO.
2. Have you ever smoked? YES. I was a stupid pre-teen. It didn’t last long.
3. Do you own a gun? It’s illegal for me to own a gun.
4. What flavor Kool Aid was your favorite? Ugh. If I had to drink it, I’d drink the red kind. What flavor is that?
6. What do you think of hot dogs? Hot dogs make great fishing bait. And they also go over well with kids.
7. Favorite Christmas movie? Let me google … the name of the movie is … A Wonderful Life.
8. What do you prefer to drink in the morning? Coffee.
9. Can you do push ups? Yes.
10. What's your favorite piece of jewelry? Hadn’t thought about that … hmm … my wedding ring is up there, as is the necklace I’ve worn since 1988.
11. Favorite hobby? Writing. Reading.
12. Do you have A. D. D? Absolutely.
13. Do you wear glasses/contacts? Yes.
14. Middle name? Not telling …
15. Name 3 thoughts at this exact moment: My sleeping pill is kicking in; I’m going to sound like I’m on drugs. My back hurts. When am I done with this?
16. Name 3 drinks you regularly drink daily: water, coffee, juice
17. Current worry? Finishing a book. Finding a job.
18. Current hate right now? No hate going on here. Who has the energy for that?
19. Favorite place to be? On a shady beach.
20. How did you bring in the new year? Beats me. I can’t remember that far back. I fairly sure we did nothing.
21. Where would you like to go? Back to Hawaii or back to Japan.
23. Do you own slippers? YES, but keep in mind that most people where I come from call flip-flops slippers. :-)
24 What color shirt are you wearing? Teal and green and white tank top.
25. Do you like sleeping on satin sheets? NO.
26. Can you whistle? ...Yes.
27. Where are you now? Fort Rileye, KS, way, way past my bedtime.
28. Would you be a pirate? Nuh. I love the ocean and a good sea voyage, but unless the pirates look AND act like Orlando Bloom or Johnny Depp …
29. What songs do you sing in the shower? I don’t sing in the shower.
30. Favorite Girl's Name? Kaelan
31. Favorite boy's name? Oi, that’s tough. Riley and Nic, Finn. Nolan. Aya. Cloud.
32. What is in your pocket right now? No pockets in my boxers.
33. Last thing that made you laugh? The water sprinkler on steroids. I swear the thing was getting ready for take-off.
34. What vehicle do you drive? A Ford. But never again, people. It’s all cheap plastic and it’s falling apart.
35. Worst injury you've ever had? Several serious hairline fractures in my right ankle. Horse-back riding accident.
36. Do you love where you live? NO.
37. How many TVs do you have in your house? 2 to watch TV and 1 to play video games on. You should have asked how many computer workstations we have in the house :-)
2. Have you ever smoked? YES. I was a stupid pre-teen. It didn’t last long.
3. Do you own a gun? It’s illegal for me to own a gun.
4. What flavor Kool Aid was your favorite? Ugh. If I had to drink it, I’d drink the red kind. What flavor is that?
6. What do you think of hot dogs? Hot dogs make great fishing bait. And they also go over well with kids.
7. Favorite Christmas movie? Let me google … the name of the movie is … A Wonderful Life.
8. What do you prefer to drink in the morning? Coffee.
9. Can you do push ups? Yes.
10. What's your favorite piece of jewelry? Hadn’t thought about that … hmm … my wedding ring is up there, as is the necklace I’ve worn since 1988.
11. Favorite hobby? Writing. Reading.
12. Do you have A. D. D? Absolutely.
13. Do you wear glasses/contacts? Yes.
14. Middle name? Not telling …
15. Name 3 thoughts at this exact moment: My sleeping pill is kicking in; I’m going to sound like I’m on drugs. My back hurts. When am I done with this?
16. Name 3 drinks you regularly drink daily: water, coffee, juice
17. Current worry? Finishing a book. Finding a job.
18. Current hate right now? No hate going on here. Who has the energy for that?
19. Favorite place to be? On a shady beach.
20. How did you bring in the new year? Beats me. I can’t remember that far back. I fairly sure we did nothing.
21. Where would you like to go? Back to Hawaii or back to Japan.
23. Do you own slippers? YES, but keep in mind that most people where I come from call flip-flops slippers. :-)
24 What color shirt are you wearing? Teal and green and white tank top.
25. Do you like sleeping on satin sheets? NO.
26. Can you whistle? ...Yes.
27. Where are you now? Fort Rileye, KS, way, way past my bedtime.
28. Would you be a pirate? Nuh. I love the ocean and a good sea voyage, but unless the pirates look AND act like Orlando Bloom or Johnny Depp …
29. What songs do you sing in the shower? I don’t sing in the shower.
30. Favorite Girl's Name? Kaelan
31. Favorite boy's name? Oi, that’s tough. Riley and Nic, Finn. Nolan. Aya. Cloud.
32. What is in your pocket right now? No pockets in my boxers.
33. Last thing that made you laugh? The water sprinkler on steroids. I swear the thing was getting ready for take-off.
34. What vehicle do you drive? A Ford. But never again, people. It’s all cheap plastic and it’s falling apart.
35. Worst injury you've ever had? Several serious hairline fractures in my right ankle. Horse-back riding accident.
36. Do you love where you live? NO.
37. How many TVs do you have in your house? 2 to watch TV and 1 to play video games on. You should have asked how many computer workstations we have in the house :-)
Monday, July 13, 2009
THE PROTECTOR e-book has arrived!
I wasn’t going to say anything until after my move, because my computer is about to be boxed up, which means I won’t be available online, but I know there are quite a few people who’ve been waiting and waiting … the e-book is available for download on the Seventh Window website.
The palm tree cover is new and temporary. The wonderful cover Aman Chaudhary did for me will be back shortly. If you’d prefer not to wait until then, go ahead and download the palm trees. We’ll hook you up with a new download once the old cover is available. If you don't see the format you prefer, let us know. We're already working on the Kindle edition as well.
I’m going to think up a few give-aways while I move, so check back in about two weeks for your chance to win a few FREE downloads of THE PROTECTOR in its e-book format.
The palm tree cover is new and temporary. The wonderful cover Aman Chaudhary did for me will be back shortly. If you’d prefer not to wait until then, go ahead and download the palm trees. We’ll hook you up with a new download once the old cover is available. If you don't see the format you prefer, let us know. We're already working on the Kindle edition as well.
I’m going to think up a few give-aways while I move, so check back in about two weeks for your chance to win a few FREE downloads of THE PROTECTOR in its e-book format.
Wednesday, July 08, 2009
Moving made easier
I’m by no means an expert on moving, but I’ve sure done it a few times. Cross-Atlantic once. Cross-Pacific three times. Within the continental US, too. Here’s my no. 1 tip: ORGANIZE.
Look through everyone’s closet. Get rid of everything you haven’t worn within the last 12 months. Think of how you get dressed in the morning and then toss that shirt that you never pick, because it doesn’t go with anything. It won’t fit any better in the new house. Get rid of your skinny clothes; if you lose whatever weight you’re working to lose, treat yourself to a few new jeans. Look closely at all your junk (and I mean that in a loving way), pick it up and touch it. Do you really want to have to unpack that?!
Group things together. Take all the photos and art off all your walls and put them in one area together. Collect all the books in one pile. Keep your electronics in one spot, this includes all the cables and connectors and surge protectors and remotes and batteries. Instead of having everyone’s radio alarm clock in four different boxes, let them be packed in just one box. If like-things are grouped together, they also get packed together, which makes finding them so much easier later on.
LABEL THE BOXES. No, no, don’t worry about the moving people (if you have any) labeling your stuff. You need to make sure YOU know exactly what’s in every box, where it came from or where it’s going in the new house. Write it on the box yourself. We had a mover once who seemed to write down each item as it went in the box, only at the new destination did we realize when we looked at the boxes that we couldn’t decipher his handwriting. Labels are super important, because you don’t want to have to search through a dozen boxes to find the one thing you need/want right away. They also make unpacking smoother, because you can prioritize.
Think ahead. Make a checklist. Write stuff down. Keep things in a safe place, so they don’t accidentally get boxed-up. Don’t assume anything. Movers pack anything they can get their hands on. If there’s something you want left out (your toothbrush, wallet, embarrassing sex toys etc), put it in a spare bathroom marked DO NOT PACK THIS ROOM. We had our trash boxed up once. I figured the movers would know not to pack a trash can with obvious trash in it. Nope. It got boxed and shipped and unpacked at the new location. Ew.
Relax. Most things will get to the new location. Some thing always gets lost and somehow stuff from two moves ago will show up unexpectedly.
Look through everyone’s closet. Get rid of everything you haven’t worn within the last 12 months. Think of how you get dressed in the morning and then toss that shirt that you never pick, because it doesn’t go with anything. It won’t fit any better in the new house. Get rid of your skinny clothes; if you lose whatever weight you’re working to lose, treat yourself to a few new jeans. Look closely at all your junk (and I mean that in a loving way), pick it up and touch it. Do you really want to have to unpack that?!
Group things together. Take all the photos and art off all your walls and put them in one area together. Collect all the books in one pile. Keep your electronics in one spot, this includes all the cables and connectors and surge protectors and remotes and batteries. Instead of having everyone’s radio alarm clock in four different boxes, let them be packed in just one box. If like-things are grouped together, they also get packed together, which makes finding them so much easier later on.
LABEL THE BOXES. No, no, don’t worry about the moving people (if you have any) labeling your stuff. You need to make sure YOU know exactly what’s in every box, where it came from or where it’s going in the new house. Write it on the box yourself. We had a mover once who seemed to write down each item as it went in the box, only at the new destination did we realize when we looked at the boxes that we couldn’t decipher his handwriting. Labels are super important, because you don’t want to have to search through a dozen boxes to find the one thing you need/want right away. They also make unpacking smoother, because you can prioritize.
Think ahead. Make a checklist. Write stuff down. Keep things in a safe place, so they don’t accidentally get boxed-up. Don’t assume anything. Movers pack anything they can get their hands on. If there’s something you want left out (your toothbrush, wallet, embarrassing sex toys etc), put it in a spare bathroom marked DO NOT PACK THIS ROOM. We had our trash boxed up once. I figured the movers would know not to pack a trash can with obvious trash in it. Nope. It got boxed and shipped and unpacked at the new location. Ew.
Relax. Most things will get to the new location. Some thing always gets lost and somehow stuff from two moves ago will show up unexpectedly.
Thursday, June 04, 2009
My Lambda Literary Awards adventure
It’s been a week now since my adventure in New York, and that means it’s high time I tell you about it. First, just in case you haven’t heard or seen, I didn’t win the Lambda Literary Award for Gay Romance. Bummer. (Check out the winners here.)The very first time I got excited about the Lammies was the day Ken Harrison, my publisher, called to let me know that THE PROTECTOR had made the finalist’s list. How awesome was that?! The second time I got really excited was the day I received my ticket in the mail. But the big excitement didn’t happen until I slipped into my red gown and walked into the lobby of the W – The Tuscany, waiting for the car to take me to the Proshansky Auditorium. I was so nervous I forgot to put lipstick on!
So there I was, no lipstick, in my beautiful red dress, horribly nervous. I don’t think I’ve ever been that nervous. I was shaking I was so nervous. Of course, it really didn’t help that I didn’t know anybody at the reception. Walking into a room full of strangers is a nerve-wrecking thing all on its on. Walking into the Lammies …
But I met some awesome people right away. Joseph Lund and his partner. Ruth Perkinson and her family, who made sure I didn’t feel too lonely, standing all by myself. Thank you. Josie Gordon and her partner Jen. Charles Flowers.
Once Ken Harrison joined me, the two of us having a glass of wine to calm our nerves, the party started looking up. It’s so much easier dealing with a group of complete strangers when there’s someone at your side. We shouldered our way through the many groups of talking people and at one point I introduced myself to a complete stranger! Remember I’m shy and introverted :-)
We spoke shortly with Drew Ferguson, met Laura Baumbach and Victor Banis (I wish I’d had more time to chat with Victor) and circled the room hoping to catch up with Larry Duplechan.
We met Larry and his husband Gregg. I assured Larry I thought he was going to win our category. And I wasn’t just saying that. He paid me the greatest compliment. He said he’d thought I was a man. Now there’s only a certain number of times a woman in a red gown (even without lipstick) is thrilled to hear she’d been mistaken for a man, trust me. But how awesome is it that a gay man read my book and didn’t spot the fact that its writer was a heterosexual woman right off?
Neil Plakcy joined our conversation and it was awesome to finally meet him in person. Thanks again, Neil, for blurbing my book and not laughing at me when I first approached you, thinking you were completely, utterly out of my league.
Back to the Lammies, which in my limited experience felt like the Oscars. At this point I had no real expectations about winning or losing. I knew I had done a good job, but I also knew the other authors had great books. It was all up to the judges and their taste this year. I had a solid 1-out-of-3 chance of winning.
Once inside and seated, I was dying of nerves. I was terrified, let me tell you. The idea of having to get up on stage to accept an award and give a short thank-you speech was truly horrifying. I was so nervous, in fact, that I didn’t want to win. There was just no way I wanted to go up on that stage.
Next time I watch the Oscars and see the winners tremble, seemingly unable to form coherent sentences … I totally know what that feels like. I can sympathize with the overwhelming terror/joy/surprise.
I was so relieved when Felice Picano who commented on THE PROTECTER’s awesome cover announced Larry Duplechan as the winner of Gay Romance. Ohmigod was I relieved! Honest. I wasn’t disappointed or bummed; I was relieved and happy as hell to have missed out on the whole going on stage thing. Whew.
Would I have loved to have gotten the award? Yes, absolutely. But was I bummed? Nope. It’s been a week now and I’m still feeling very honored to have made the shortlist of finalists with my first book. I’m incredibly grateful to my readers and the Lammy judges and super proud, but mostly I’m still relieved that I didn’t have to go on stage :-)
I’ll be better prepared the next time. Heck, I might even wear lipstick then.
Some other nice people I met that night: Scott Heim who won for Gay Fiction and used to live in Kansas. Scott Sherman whose debut won Gay Mystery. Anthony Bidulka (ohmigod!). John who writes as Jospeh Pittman. I said a brief Hello to Nicole Kimberling before she won LGBT Sci-Fi/Fantasy/Horror, because we both wore a red dress in a sea of darkly-dressed people.
Other odds and ends: Working on a full-sized laptop on an itty bitty plane ... interesting. I basically had the keyboard tucked under my chin. I thought long and hard about taking the laptop, but I figured I could use the downtime, also known as waiting in the airport, to get some actual work done. It wasn’t until the guy in the seat next to me turned on his laptop and I saw a cute picture of a small kid plastered across his screen that I realized I would power up to a naked guy on my desktop. Oops. (And yep, I totally fired that machine up.)
There are young women in New York City walking around with their dogs in the crook of their arms. How they balance on those heels with a canine drapped over their arms …
There are attendants in the FAO Schwarz bathrooms. If you’re feeling nauseous and faint, possibly a left-over from all those nerves from the night before (not the drinking, because you only had one drink), you might not want to seek out an FAO Schwarz bathroom. Spending the day walking the halls of the Metropolitan Museum of Art might not be ideal either.
Observing a traditional Aoteraroan greeting—forehead and nose pressed together, breath exchanged—made me homesick for Hawaii, but attending Matariki New York 2009 was way cool. Matariki was a celebration of Pacific Island diversity, featuring music, dance and poetry from New Zealand (Aotearoa) and the Cook Islands. The Kahurangi Maori Dance Theatre performance was OUTSTANDING.
Laura Baumbach (right) and I, courtesy of the wonderful Neil Plakcy
Subscribe to:
Comments (Atom)
